Wayward spouse forums

I do not have high hopes but at least he can share some truth with her. And a wayward is looking around, seeing all these different versions of themselves and is not quite sure which one is real. 0 becomes a bit of a buggy beta version of itself as things go back to normal and the cheater relaxes more. Jul 22, 2004 · The wife has recently started an affair with a divorced man, who lives with his present spouse and has a 4year old daughter to her. Dec 7, 2016 · If you've decided to have two spouses, after all, why not live with the other one for a while. ago. ! Not saying the WW does not enjoy it. Whether your relationship is suffering from infidelity or your needs are going unmet, post here and find the support you are seeking. But the whole tell the whole wide world thing plus their employer never made sense to me. id 7928762. As a WS myself I'm still learning and thought about sharing something I never believed I was doing. You are not completely innocent but you should not be spiraling in shame because of what was an unexpected and unintended consequence of you affair (As terrible as your wife's attack was). Sep 26, 2012 · It is NOT the forum for a heated debate about all your failings, all the marriage's failings, or anything else for that matter. She chose to keep you out to be that alone to feel good about cheating. Betrayed Spouse venting is to be expected and emotions may run high. Oct 2, 2017 · Take care of your self daily- watch a funny video, take a bath, talk to a friend or family member who encourages you to be your best person, etc, etc. Under the guidelines, BS can only pose questions to us in that thread. Sometimes the WS is the one who has least "wronged the other party", and the infidelity is a relatively minor transgression following decades of abuse, neglect, etc. Rather, she/he has made a choice to not hold your betrayal against you any longer. suddenlyisee ( member #32689) posted at 4:24 PM on Wednesday, July 26th, 2017. Feb 5, 2017 · My advice to other wayward spouses would be, as I mentioned in my last post on CWI, Speak kindly and gently to yourself always. Keep in mind, however, that the intent of this site is to foster healing for ALL parties affected. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page. Listen to BH a lot. Former wayward spouses and former other persons are asked to stay out of the Betrayed Spouse venting threads and respect their need to AutoModerator. Former wayward spouses and former other persons are asked to stay out of the Betrayed Spouse venting threads and respect their need to vent at THEIR situation. My journey and my thoughts, nothing profound - pain but understanding - 6/11/2024 12:55:56 AM - by justsendit All You Can Do Is: Make changes to yourself that show the wayward spouse (WS) what you can be and what is possible. Technically I was the other woman as well as Betrayed Spouse venting is to be expected and emotions may run high. ” A partial or disingenuous apology will feel meaningless, condescending or even insulting, particularly during the months following discovery. That doesn’t mean you still can’t discuss/work on/investigate the issues that were behind your affair. Discussions about this forum, participating members, or topics contained are prohibited outside of this forum. The Fora platform includes forum software by XenForo. Your spouse will feel better if you don’t merely say, “I’m sorry. This leaves a wayward with two real options: face the reality or destroy the houselights. Jan 27, 2020 · Originally Posted by choosingjoyHe wants a divorce. Dec 17, 2013 · Wayward Spouse guide. 0' they can be - until they simply can't do it anymore. Never allow yourself to believe you are fundamentally bad. Violation of this rule justifies a permanent ban. They are the land mines left int the field of whatever remains of your marriage. Mar 29, 2020 · Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 Return to Forums Return to Wayward Side bubba78 ( original poster new member #74116) posted at 4:34 AM on Sunday, March 29th, 2020 I had an affair with a married man and confessed to my spouse 3 months after it ended. This is not a professional forum for PI's, rather a place that members can share what helped them get the answers they were searching for. It communicates what you know, how it has made you feel, and your intentions for the future. Jul 25, 2017 · Revenge is never a good thing Revenge may make you feel better for a little while but it can also destroy you. Standing up after infidelity sometimes means being a little bit selfish and taking care of yourself, prioritizing yourself, in order to facilitate your healing. Our pastor and his wife plan to meet with my wife tomorrow at noon (Eastern Time). Sep 26, 2023 · Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by Infidelity and Cheating A forum to post your tips and ideas when trying to determine if your partner is cheating. Nov 4, 2009 · Apologize genuinely and fully. No personal attacks or victim-blaming of any kind. He wants everything separate. I have lots of guilt, shame, embarrassment and sadness for the things I have chosen to do. com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy wayward wayward spouse here. I never thought I would have made the decisions that I have. When I found out about the A, most of his travel stopped, to her site and elsewhere. The truth is: they are all real. Gaslighting. You need to learn to trust yourself. I have answered his questions to the best If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines. But that how human beings learn. Once caught, the WS has 2 options. My wayward husband had an A with a co-worker who worked at a site 3,000 miles across the country. And keep reading and posting. Jan 27, 2020 · Marriage Builders ® Discussion Forum This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. I keep relating this back to my venture to the dark side as a teen ager. He won't go do stuf with us as a family. While a truthful answer may not be easy for a WS to read, it should be delivered with Aug 5, 2021 · Whether you’re the wayward spouse or the betrayed spouse, there comes a point where you have to stand up to the trauma, the pain and the hurt. I do agree that exposure can "shock" your spouse out of an affair, or get their AP to leave them. And no one calls out waywards more convincingly Feb 12, 2019 · To change yourself so that you put others before yourself when it comes to stepping on them to get the advantage and choosing not to do so. Dont want to go back there for a number of reasons. May 5, 2018 · 1,315 Posts. We ask that only the Betrayed Spouse post in this forum as a newly hurting BS may not be ready to hear from a former Wayward Spouse OR Former Other Person. You feel a desire to build a new life. <P>T2 My story was posted on here some time agobut I have a question I hope that the betrayed spouses can shed light on. Of course, there is no “justice” that can come from this. Take action and take charge. Make the home, with the betrayed spouse (BS), a safe place for the WS to be and a better place than the affair. Betrayed and wayward partners are equally welcome. Apr 2, 2024 · 134 posts · Joined 2024. I have read all the affair recovery books that get recommended in this corner of reddit. Marriage Builders ® Discussion Forum This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile after infidelity. Infidelity. Name your emotions and why you think you might be feeling them. The problem with this approach is that guilt tends to eat away at us, and our spouse knows that things still don't quite jive. He wants to set up a schedule of when we spend time with the kids. Just believe this is one of the reasons they do it. Apr 19, 2023 · Hey all! This is one of my periodic plugs for the "BS Questions for WS" thread in the I Can Relate forum. As time goes by, Spouse 2. Become them. Cheated on my ex husband more than 2. How dare you express envy for a BS who has a choice to R. He avoids conversation with me. Sources: Apr 4, 2013 · Lies are a continuance of the betrayal. Things I've realized about my own situation. It is normal and it is healthy. The BS only has one place to live. As terrible as it is that your wife was raped, your responsibility is at most remote. He had to visit her site about once a quarter. The other mans spouse is also a good friend of my wife (go figure). Wayward Side. A wayward spouse will initiate any conversation they can to shift the blame from them to you. You had a choice not to betray your spouse. Apr 6, 2013 · There are many reasons for confronting, but there are also some clear goals to aim for when confronting a wayward spouse; 1. The proclamation that the other person is the wayward spouses 'soul mate,' or something along those lines. There are a lot of WS's who choose option 1. Back after 15 years - 6/3/2024 2:54:01 PM - by Bigger. I was also in my mid 30s. Taking care of yourself will help you to develop healthy coping skills when you are stressed and will strengthen you to support BH. For starters telling their employer shoots you in the foot. Almost everyone who finds out about the affair, from your Betrayed Spouse to their friends and family to your co-workers to strangers on the internet, are going to be judgmental and quite possibly a little hateful An area for Wayward Spouses (WS) to share their struggles in the aftermath of their affair. Apr 4, 2024 · After marrying wife #2, we moved 2500 miles away. They are a further breach of trust when the wayward should be doing all they can to regain that trust. "Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty. A: It’s a natural BS response to look at an AP and try to figure out what the AP had that the BS didn’t. Things went really well for several years until a significant turn of events turned me away from my spouse, the woman who loves me and into the arms of another. This restriction is in place both to make it easy for BS to find responses and to keep this forum dedicated to our own work. Most affairs are fantasies. Ending the marriage does not end the feeling of utter betrayal. Can any wayward ladies please provide an unbiased point of view / advice that you would offer my wife so that she can uderstand what is happening Jun 9, 2011 · Hiding the fear of getting caught either by becoming angry and distant or affectionate and loving to keep the BS in the dark. The demonizing of the betrayed spouse in order to rationalize the wayward spouses justification for carrying on the affair. One is to tell the whole truth right then and the second one is to minimize and omit. If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines. Mar 25, 2024 · The rest of the time, the cheater has to become the best version of 'Spouse 2. Oftentimes, we waywards take a significant amount of time to summon the courage to be entirely truthful with our spouse. <P>T2 Divorcebusting. Enroll in individual therapy to determine why you chose this route. Apr 23, 2019 · 3527 posts · Joined 2013. You are very likely to make mistakes - trusting someone who's lying, not trusting someone who's telling the truth. BS's are not to start threads asking questions of the WS's. Most people have affairs because they are unhappy within themselves. They will also leap on any opening you give them to change the subject, especially if it is something close to their heart. D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS. I have told my husband everything there is to tell him regarding the EA and one night stand that I had with 'our' best friend. Request, not demand that the affair end. VerticalScope Inc. The stress and trauma levels of the experience are as low as possible. I am a wayward wife and my affairs happened seven years ago. To the Wayward Spouse; This "Toolkit" is a compilation of information that a Wayward Spouse might find helpful in their journey to Recovery. She stalked me on Internet support forums to glean intel for huge fights, she claimed “Great news! I’ve forgiven myself!” At month nine. If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines. Marriage and Life Partnerships. <P>Has anyone had a spouse turn after a meeting like this. I have answered his questions to the best . Jul 16, 2013 · I am a wayward wife and hurt my husband. Recording - 6/17/2024 1:01:50 AM - by Trdd. Mar 27, 2018 · After all, this wayward spouse is a victim of their betrayed spouse and as a victim they feel entitled to take everything from the betrayed spouse. I no longer went out to bars/clubs by myself. Oftentimes, the wayward spouse will go on the offensive – arguing, blame-shifting, minimising or justifying their actions, projecting untruths, lying, making threats, and so forth. Feb 4, 2020 · Your wayward spouse must take a leading role in your recovery and do the heavy lifting. Oct 20, 2014 · Read the thread pinned at the top of this forum, Things that Every Wayward Spouse Needs to Know. #21 · Apr 23, 2019. 35 years in reconciliation. I posted on the other forum back then, that forum had a dedicated wayward spouse section. #3 · Apr 2, 2024. Im an ex wife, now divorced. I tried. Jul 24, 2016 · Wayward Spouses. Jan 27, 2020 · Our pastor and his wife plan to meet with my wife tomorrow at noon (Eastern Time). Record them. <P>T2 Jan 27, 2020 · Our pastor and his wife plan to meet with my wife tomorrow at noon (Eastern Time). Jan 27, 2020 · QuoteFor the sake of this forum, consider our relationship as a marriage in every way except for the piece of paper Um, yeah, I've gotta go with Pep on this - for someone to go to a MARRIAGE builders website and dismiss marriage as equating to a piece of paper is, oh, how to say this Jan 27, 2020 · QuoteFor the sake of this forum, consider our relationship as a marriage in every way except for the piece of paper Um, yeah, I've gotta go with Pep on this - for someone to go to a MARRIAGE builders website and dismiss marriage as equating to a piece of paper is, oh, how to say this Jan 27, 2020 · QuoteFor the sake of this forum, consider our relationship as a marriage in every way except for the piece of paper Um, yeah, I've gotta go with Pep on this - for someone to go to a MARRIAGE builders website and dismiss marriage as equating to a piece of paper is, oh, how to say this My story was posted on here some time agobut I have a question I hope that the betrayed spouses can shed light on. Principle #3 Let go of the emotional strings. With BS it’s many times kids, bills, take the dog out while with the AP it’s all about thrills and sex without worrying about mundane day Jan 27, 2020 · Originally Posted by choosingjoyHe wants a divorce. Sep 17, 2022 · Listen up wayward spouses. The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Moving on from past affair and divorce. We may fess up after weeks, months, or even years. This is the type of cheater who will go to work The wayward spouse must cut off the other person completely in a way that their spouse agrees with. 5 years ago and got caught. Nov 13, 2014 · Aside from the excitement and not having to worry about what AP thinks, wild sexual acts she would not consider with her husband are sometimes the price she pays for having this new man meet her emotional needs. Divorcebusting. •. Exhibit care, compassion and concern for WS’s well being. And don't think that there aren't men out there that can't be in a relationship with a woman and be emotionally attached to her because they do exsist. This type of wayward spouse has such a warped sense of reality that he or she is a danger to himself/herself and to those they allegedly once loved. Personally, I do think that for some (honestly, I'd think way less than half from my readings) waywards do have the scales fall from their eyes and they comprehend the devastation of their behavior. General. • 2 yr. Oct 10, 2018 · Separation and Divorce. I know that's scary. pinkandblue #2164957 07/01/11 02:57 PM. A forum for all Former WS's who have ended or trying to end their affairs and are striving to reconcile. He does things with the kids withou me purposefully leaving me out. That help by taking me out of my familiar element. Eventually the facade cracks and crumbles. She chose to keep herself emotionaly distant and refused to communicate with you then chose to betray your trust and relatiobship by seeking an ap to for sex. Surely they must have been more attractive, in better shape, funnier, sexier, richer, better in bed, whatever to have made the wayward spouse have an A. The typical "I love you but" type of talk. " Teddy Roosevelt. In my case, AP was nothing special. A note to Betrayed Spouses (BS) and Affair Partners (AP) - You are welcome to reply to posts in this section. #86 · Apr 16, 2024. Please keep this meeting in your prayers. Married 46 years. My journey and my thoughts, nothing profound - pain but understanding - 6/10/2024 8:19:10 AM - by justsendit Apr 12, 2005 · And are you and your spouse emotionally attached to each other or only physically attached? And don't think that men are the only ones that think physical woman do too. , 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada Jan 23, 2024 · You have the strengths you need for all of that. There are several reasons. Apr 13, 2024 · I can only speak as an observer, not as a betrayed spouse or a cheater, but I think some past and present great posters on TAM were recovered waywards. I posted here and visited here seven years ago amidst the wreckage that was generated by my first affair. Aug 6, 2020 · This is group is meant for those who are seeking healing as a wayward spouse in their relationships - we welcome spouses who have been cheated on, but this groups is to primarily provide support and healing for those who understand they want to make a change in their relationships with others and just as importantly themselves. Feb 13, 2010 · Projecting blame for the wayward spouses guilt onto the betrayed spouse. Always believe you can redeem yourself. It consists of various links to threads, MB principles, Q & A columns, and books that may be of particular interest to th Marriage Builders ® Discussion Forum This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. I also put-up self-imposed boundaries when it came to the Feb 12, 2017 · And if you, as a Wayward Spouse, have ever actually said that aloud, you’ve probably been made aware of how selfish it sounds. Recommend she stops looking to escape from facing herself and the life she made herself. Feb 16, 2013 · Romantic. It is not acceptable for you to do the work of recovery alone, especially since you are not the one who broke the marriage. Jul 27, 2023 · A huge focus of this site, whether a betrayed spouse or a wayward, is to get out of infidelity. long dissonance runner ) I think Upsidedown 20 is correct in asserting that having ex-waywards here is useful to betrayeds. Offer thoughtful support, not shallow judgments. 2. Repeated or gross violation of this rule will result in a temporary or permanent ban. posts: 117 · registered: Oct. Joined: May 2011. 3. Mar 28, 2024 · The JFO forum is ONLY for betrayed spouses (BS) and not Wayward spouses (WS) or Mad Hatters (MH – a situation where both spouses have had an affair at some point in their relationship): I am therefore moving this thread to the Wayward forum and locking it here on the JFO. And by-the-way, forgiveness does NOT equal reconciliation. I also read posts here on a near daily basis and am familiar with some active noticeable usernames over the years. Just Found Out. As RH stated, I no longer needed to have sex with variety of women like I did in my 20s and very early 30s. The one who broke it must take a leading role in fixing it and this is the bottom line. Private. 1st, 2015 · location: midwest. They let your mind run wild. To be honest it is very sad that wayward spouses feel they cannot share their experience because it would help lots of betrayed spouses get a better picture of how they feel entitled to their choices, what bullsh**they tell themselves before they start deceiving their spouse. Reconciliation peer support is emotional and practical support between people who share the common experience of reconciling after infidelity. Lies are corrosive, they eat into you. We hear often that the BS Questions thread General. May 31, 2012 · Three weeks is not too short of a time. Your safe place to share your fears and pain with others experiencing the devastating discovery of infidelity and betrayal. They each one want to deny the other and wish to maintain that the others are not real. Do not demean, attack or insult anyone, even if you disagree with them. Three to Six Months: permitting that the first stage has been stabilized, then core issues may be dealt with during this time period. ” It seems to me you are paralyzed by remorse. What is my WH thinking? Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. Apr 27, 2013 · I sincerely doubt your spouse is morning the loss of your naiveté. I guess some of us wayward spouses know for ourselves that we wont do it again, so its easy for us to continue as if nothing has happened, we have this comfort and its a difficult for us to see the world through the eyes of our BS, why the doubts, insecurities and the anger lingers. Funny so does my STBXH-only with the OW. At first she was remorseful, repentant, surrendered her privacy, etc but over time, she reverted to form. Good question from the other poster about the OM. Jan 23, 2018 · Forgiveness is your spouse’s own personal decision and is not about you. r/AsOneAfterInfidelity is an online peer-to-peer support group and a safe space for people navigating the long and difficult process of reconciling after infidelity. To truly understand gaslighting remove yourself from the equation and take time to really see the person in front of you. (here's to you, Mr. It is not up to you to bear the burden for your wayward partner’s selfish choices. Help for Newbie - 5/29/2024 7:23:26 AM - by Edie. Answered by HippyGirl. Telling it all. Committing to having No Contact (NC) for life is probably a must. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore. Jan 31, 2019 · BrianZA ( new member #67727) posted at 2:03 AM on Thursday, January 31st, 2019. Betrayed spouses generally settle into this realization on their own, but they need to know that you understand how this plagues them. Observers who are not actively part of a reconciling couple are discouraged from commenting. You may not realize it yet, but the strengths are in you now. Betrayed spouses develop a finely calibrated “insincerity radar. (Note: Read “Share your feelings of guilt and shame” in Section 2. Former wayward spouses and former other persons are asked to stay out of the Betrayed Spouse venting threads and respect their need to Jan 4, 2013 · A sad truth of infidelity is: It is unfair. One is that the AP in many cases is new, exciting, fresh and so on while the BS is the same old. Once you two got into a real relationship instead of a dating relationship, you really got to see each other for who you both are. kq ox fx sg sz oi ao oh be ig